Torn and Frayed offers a writing guide for new arrivals in the Philippines.:

It is essential that your first sentence should include the words “7,000 islands”. Sprinkle the text with such phrases as “vibrant” (perhaps the most useful word when describing the Philippines), “crystal clear waters”, “hellish pollution”, “idyllic stretch of white sand”, “monster traffic”, “sunset”, “mishmash of cultures” “3,000 pairs of shoes”, “ferry disaster” and “vibrant (there it is again) night life”.

When describing the politics of the Philippines, you should always describe it as an “exuberant democracy”. Mention no politicians other than film stars or Imelda Marcos.

Never use the word “prostitute”, “bargirl” is much nicer. When describing nightlife make sure you mention the “ubiquitous San Miguel” and the fact that Filipinos eat only balut.

There is no need to discuss the history of the Philippines beyond a brief mention of the Bataan death march.

Since smiling Filipinos seldom venture out from beneath their palm trees (and then only to ride their beloved jeepneys to church), there is rarely any need to discuss the economy. However, if you must, you will find “default”, “$1 a day”, “stagnant”, “airport”, “unfulfilled potential”, “overseas remittances”, “hopeful” and “next year” useful phrases.

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