The Taipei Times makes no secret of its pan-Green sympathies, but it does usually keep its sense of humor better hidden.:

Chinese tourists should be welcomed. It is unlikely that the possible threat of Fifth Columnists will greatly affect the security of this country, which after all, is already within striking range of hundreds of Chinese missiles and aircraft.

But it will not be easy to deal with the large influx of Chinese. There are cultural issues to which Taiwan should be sensitive.

For this reason, and in the spirit of cross-strait reconciliation, there are a number of phrases which should not be employed when speaking to tourists from China. Failure to not say these things will only exacerbate the mutual misunderstanding and cultural rift that exists between the two countries.

Therefore, do not — under any circumstances — say any of the following 10 phrases to Chinese tourists: One, noodles, paper, gunpowder. What have you done for us lately? Two, one-child policy plus patriarchal society equals no women. Three, 5,000 years of civilization, and all you have to offer us is pandas? Four, welcome to Taiwan. Please don’t spit. Five, Simplified characters for simple people. Six, Mr. Hu, tear down that wall! Seven, our opposition leaders get to have dinner with your president, but your opposition leaders get shot. Eight, our Chinese culture is better than yours. Nine, my dad owns the factory your dad works in. Or finally: We were going to “retake the mainland,” until we went there.

Thus, we can maintain cross-strait harmony

(Via Wandering to Tamshui)

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