Agagooga has developed a way to make Singapore’s media tolerable.:

Every time the Party, the State and the Government are conflated, drink once.

Every time you see a stupid ST Forum letter about how democracy and Freedom of Speech are bad for Singapore, drink once. If the letter ends with “Majulah Singapura”, drink twice.

Every time you see the archived shot of MM Lee crying, drink once. If it is accompanied with moving music in the background, drink thrice.

Every time a new buzzword is thrown up, drink once. Every time we have a new silly acronym (”SPRING Singapore”), drink twice. Every time a new false dichotomy is introduced (”Stayers” vs “Quitters”; “Heartlanders” vs “Cosmopolitans”), drink thrice.

Every time a Minister says things like “save on one hairdo and use the money for breast screening”, drink once. Every time someone else doesn’t say whether they want tur kwa or not and we get a week long scandal in the media, drink twice.

Every time ministers get a pay rise following xxx years of no pay rise, drink once. Every time the CPF contribution rate is cut, drink twice. Every time the GST rate is raised and income tax for the top brackets cut, drink thrice.

Every time citizens get lectured for being choosy or grumbling, drink once.

Every time someone talks about Asian Values, drink once. Every time someone talks about the decadent West, drink twice. Every time we want to emulate the decadent West, drink thrice.

AsiaPundit’s additions:

• Drink once every time there is mention of making Singapore a (financial, entertainment, artistic, electronics, aviation, good toilet, etc…) ‘hub’
• Reiterating point six, drink thrice every time the top news item pertains to a price increase or decrease related to an acronym (i.e., COE prices have decreased, ERP charges are rising, employers’ CPF contributions have been cut).

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